


To The Stars

by cessmarga



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Drama & Romance, F/M, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-05-30 05:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15090425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cessmarga/pseuds/cessmarga
Summary: Natsu loved Lucy. Lucy loved Natsu. But getting left behind resulted in scars and unhealed wounds for the Celestial Mage. As war looms over Fairy Tail, they begin to fear that love isn’t going to be enough even as they pray to the stars. Set after 1 year time skip.





	1. If I Decide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I'd like to welcome you all to my fanfic, To The Stars! It's a NaLu fic and when you start reading you'll probably be able to see that it's based off the song Rewrite The Stars in the movie The Greatest Showman. The fic is based off the manga Fairy Tail and the timeline for this story will majorly start at Chapter 420, right at the start of the Avatar Arc. There will be a lot of spoilers on this fic, so please keep that in mind and it will be handy to read so that we're all on the same page. If it would help, this chapter is set between Chapter 420 to 435._
> 
> _I really am one to appreciate reviews and all that so that it could help improve my writing so if you'd be really nice to give me some then you are all wonderful people._
> 
> _I will also be posting the story on Fanfiction.net just so you guys know. Also, I do not own Fairy Tail or any of the characters as well as the song Rewrite the Stars._
> 
> _With that all done, let's get on with our story!_

* * *

* * *

**_You know I want you_ **

**_It's not a secret I try to hide_ **

* * *

He loves her. He's known it for a while now, though he couldn't for the life of him remember when he fell for her. Or when he realized it. It seemed like a constant. A given fact that no one needed to speak out loud. It was a complete irrevocable fact that Natsu Dragneel was head-over-heels, madly in love with Lucy Heartfilia.

He never hid it and yet he never said it. It was a complete contradiction, but such was Natsu's way of life. To him, everything was so simple. He loved Lucy and he showed it in his own ways. He couldn't remember when he realized though. They've been through so much and he had gotten to see many sides of her throughout the time that they've been together. She's been there with him through thick and thin that went on in the guild and when he would think back to try and place when he fell for her, he'd just settle for thinking that he probably fell for her ever since they met.

To Natsu, Lucy was dreams and happiness and tenacity. That's how he met her. With dreams of being a Fairy Tail Mage and with enough happiness to brighten the day. She was unyielding in her beliefs and naïve as she may have been, she didn't hesitate to do what was right. Contrary to belief, he didn't team up with her _just because she was blonde_. He was… Curious. It paid off, he discovered a lot of things about her – some good, some bad. She was smart and quick to think on her feet that rare few could appreciate the brains that she stored in her head that enabled her to be a good mage, that enabled her to keep up with the powerhouses of the guild – himself, Gray and Erza. She had guts and lots of it – that she isn't afraid to fight on her own. That she trustingly jumped off the tower with only the belief that he would save her, and not once did she flinch in the face of Gajeel even when bound, bruised and beaten. She was brave. And she was so painfully kind and caring and through it managed to save Loke all on her own – all because she believed in the Lion Spirit, that she stood up for him when no one else did. And her strength.

Mavis, her strength is probably what called to Natsu the most. The underlying strength that was inside her whenever she refused to give up, to lose hope, to run away. He saw it. He's always seen it. The night they met. Saving Macao. Their first mission. Lullaby and Galuna Island. Against Phantom Lord and Gajeel. Forgiving Juvia and Gajeel. The whole Laxus fiasco. Oracion Seis and even Edolas! When the fat guy almost crushed her in Tenrou. When she was betrayed by Michelle and kidnapped by Oracion Seis. When Flare defeated her unfairly. When Minerva beat her black and blue. Future Rogue. The battle with the dragons. The Battle of Tartaros. Her strength was immense. He knew that at some point during their time together she wanted to break down, she wanted to give up. But she never did. And that's what draws Natsu to her the most. Unknown to her, she kept him going. Because he still wanted to see her smile. He always wanted to see her smile

It was all Natsu could think about. She was all Natsu could think about. Even as in a few hours they would be attacking the dark guild, Avatar. But who could blame him really? He did just confess his love for her earlier this week. And she did just reject him too. So, he had just been mulling about it even as they both went on their journey pretending that everything was fine, and nothing had changed between them.

* * *

* * *

**_I know you want me_ **

**_So don't keep saying our hands our tied_ **

* * *

_  
It took them hours to lose the Army that chased them around and out of the streets of Crocus. Of course, for Natsu this was nothing. He could keep going for hours and hours. And Happy – well, he was just going to ride atop Natsu's head when he got tired. Lucy, however, did not have the endless bout of energy that her salmon-haired companion had and so by the time they had lost their pursuers, she was huffing and puffing in vigorous attempts to catch her breath._

_"Lucy, you should really run more so that you wouldn't be so fat," the blue cat chimed teasingly with a grin on his face which prompted irritation from the blonde._

_"Shut up cat!" though the remark lacked the bite it was supposed to have due to the wheezing of the woman._

_Natsu, on the other hand, remained silent except for small chuckles as they got into their usual banter as if no time had come in between them. He chanced a look at Lucy and he thought about how long it has been since he had last seen her._

_Her hair was now tied in a ponytail, its length reaching her lower back. She had grown her hair and Natsu had no doubts that she looked beautiful with her hair down even though it probably got in the way. He thinks she grew a little taller, but he couldn't be sure since he assumes that he has put on some height as well. And there was her voluptuous figure. Happy was wrong. She wasn't fat at all, if anything, she looked like she lost weight despite developing some muscles that likely came from training. It was obvious to him that Lucy did not slack off at all in the time that they spent apart even though she was apparently doing more writing and less fighting in the past year._

_She had changed. A lot. Natsu had no doubt about it. Just as he had no doubt about the lingering sadness that hung around her that he could smell, almost touch. Just as he had no doubt that he wanted to dispel that sadness, to destroy its cause. Because he loves her and just wants her to be happy and safe. He wants her eyes to sparkle in happiness as she looked at him._

_"Natsu? Are you okay?" his thoughts were abruptly cut off by the Celestial Mage's voice and his eyes immediately snapped up to look at her blushing features._

_A hint of pink dusted her cheeks as she bit her lower lip and can't quite meet his gaze. He thought she was beautiful. "You've been spacing out and staring for a while now," Lucy mumbled with a hint of worry. "Is there something on my face?"_

_Natsu gave her a toothy grin and put his hands behind his head as he began to walk, prompting a groan out of Lucy as they started on their journey. "Nah Luce. I was just thinking that you changed," he said merrily. It was quite nice to see a blushing Lucy, it had been his sort of side mission to see if she liked him the way he liked her. From what he could see, maybe, just maybe, she liked him back._

_He saw her surprise and happiness when they first locked eyes at Domus Flau. The wistfulness and hope that resided there as well. Of course, there were also the hints of sadness and betrayal from when they were talking about the guild and his training trip. But he could also see that he made her happy when they were together. She also acted shyly from time to time, blushing up a storm at certain times. And there was when he and Happy had found what she had been hiding in her room. A detailed map and research on each and every location of the Fairy Tail members and their picture – his and Lucy's and the rest of Team Natsu right in the middle of it. He had seen in her research that she had been trying to find him and dare he hoped that she returns his feelings. He would have to figure it out and soon – the suspense was killing him._

_And so, despite his cheerful demeanor as he conversed with Happy and Lucy about everything and nothing, he also continued to contemplate about his feelings for her well into their journey as they travelled towards Lamia Scale until they decided to camp in a clearing in the middle of the woods for the evening.  
_

* * *

* * *

**_You claim it's not in the cards_ **

**_And fate is pulling you miles away_ **

* * *

_  
"Natsu, are you sure you're alright? You've been spacing out an awful lot today," Lucy prodded gently from the other side of the campfire after Happy had fallen into blissful sleep – probably with dreams of fish like the one he had for dinner earlier. Natsu blinked a couple of times, his gaze still on the fire for a few seconds before he lifted his gaze to concerned brown orbs. It was true that he was spacing out during various points in the evening. He just didn't think Lucy noticed up until she actually pointed it out._

_His contemplation was getting him nowhere. He loved Lucy. There was a possibility of Lucy liking him. And he didn't know what to do. Gildarts told him to see how Lucy felt about him before doing anything decisive. But Lucy was Lucy. And the only way to know what she was honestly thinking or feeling was to figure out directly from her and not by just looking at her._

_"I love you, Luce," he said._

_Lucy's gentle laughter flitted in the open space. "I love you too, silly dragon. Gosh, I didn't think you'd miss me that much. Gonna tell Gray that too when we find him?" the blonde smirked waggling her eyebrows and Natsu frowned a little._

_"No Luce. I mean I love you. Just you. I love **you** ," he tried to emphasize and summoned all the seriousness and emotion he could muster to convey just how serious he was about her. How honest and open he was being right now. And he could only guess that Lucy had finally gotten what he meant when she stared at him slack-jawed for what seemed like hours._

_He watched the emotions that crossed her face. She had always been so expressive. Surprise. Confusion. Betrayal. Anger. Resignation. And finally, sadness. He didn't find what he wished he would have. There was no excitement, no hope, no happiness, and no love. He didn't know who between the two of them was more shocked by this turn of events._

_"I'm sorry. I need to go. You should sleep, I'll go take watch around the woods," she said as she stood and stalked off into the woods and far from his sight. But not from his other senses._

_They both knew she wasn't leaving to take watch. Natsu could do it just fine while they stayed by the campfire because of his fine-tuned senses. They both knew that she was doing it to escape from him. To get away from him. Not once since he met Lucy did he ever think that he would ever drive her away. That they would get to a point that she would run away from him of all people. Because they were a team. They were partners. They were inseparable. Until a year ago. Until he left._

_He didn't follow her. Not with the sadness hovering above her that he knew he was currently the cause. He stayed by the fire, watching over Happy. She wasn't out of his range, so he could still sense her. He looked out for danger. And yet all he could feel was the pang in his heart and her._

_He smelled her tears. He heard her soft cries._

_He didn't sleep._

_She did not return until morning.  
_

* * *

* * *

**_And out of reach from me_ **

**_But you're here in my heart_ **

* * *

Since then, he and Lucy spoke nothing of what transpired that night. Of course, there were the occasional awkwardness that hung over their heads for a while and Happy had undoubtedly caught wind of the slight change between them but not a peep came from any of the three. It had been a week since then and Natsu really had no clue of what to do after that whole ordeal. With the addition of Wendy and Carla into their group after they had picked them up at Lamia Scale, there was simply no more room for awkwardness, so he and Lucy had gotten back to some semblance of normalcy that continued on even now. Of course, both of them still refused to talk about it, and though it weighed down on him greatly, this was certainly better than not being able to talk to Lucy at all.

Still, Natsu really wished that he had a clue on what to do now. He had not expected such a reaction from Lucy at all. Maybe some huffing annoyance or indignant anger or maybe her thinking it was all some big prank. He did not expect to make her cry with his admittance really. Was it that bad that he was in love with her? Or did he remind her of someone from the guild that she loved? The thought left a bad taste in his mouth and all he could do was sigh and run his hands through his hair as he looked at his blonde companion blissfully asleep.

It wasn't like he came to terms with his feelings for her easily. It was damn hard if anything and he didn't really come to complete terms with it until encountering Gildarts during the training trip. He'd known for a while. A long while actually. He'd figured out that he liked her at Tenrou after battling the guy that threatened to crush her skull. That was not a good memory, and it wasn't like he had much time to ponder it before the whole Acnologia and being trapped for 7 years happened. And between trying to help the guild recover, the whole Oracion Seis fiasco and training for the Grand Magic Games, they couldn't seem to get a break. Of course, he noticed that his liking towards her was growing. He wasn't just attracted to her physically although he does acknowledge that she was one of the most attractive women in the guild. He liked her because he was Lucy. Plain and simple. During the Grand Magic Games, he kind of figured that he ought to confess and see what happens after the games ended. But then, she got beaten by Minerva and that stroke a chord within Natsu.

He couldn't deny it right then that he had already fallen for the Celestial Mage. He could remember the rage and the worry and every emotion he felt then as he ran to catch her before she hit the ground unconscious. He couldn't lose her. But he did. Against Future Rogue. Sure, anyone could argue that it was Future Lucy that died and not their Lucy. But it was just as Happy said. Lucy was Lucy. And the pain he felt then was indescribable. He couldn't lose her. And yet every single time, she was right in the middle of every shithole that was going on and Natsu can't figure out for the life of him what he would do if he lost her again. And he almost lost her a lot of times. Especially during the Battle of Tartaros. He lost Igneel then. And he knew, he couldn't lose Lucy too. It would break him. And so, he left. To get stronger. He couldn't take her with them because then he might put her in danger in the places he was planning to go. He knew the guild would keep her safe.

But they didn't.

They left her. Just like how he left her.

And unknown to her, he honestly couldn't quite forgive himself for leaving her alone.

* * *

* * *

**_So who can stop me if I decide_ **

**_That you're my destiny_ **

* * *

_  
Natsu idly listened to Juvia as she explained to them her past living arrangements with Gray. He had already figured that part out as soon as they entered the house. It was impossible for Gray's scent to stick to the place if he didn't live here, and even if it had faded by now, he could tell that it had been potent before. But also, by the smell of it, he hadn't been here in months. And he was right, according to Juvia anyway._

_The dragonslayer frowned at this. Juvia loved Gray and he kinda figured that the Ice Bastard held something – Natsu wasn't quite sure what with regards to the prick considering that Gray was emotionally constipated – but he was sure that there was something. Otherwise he would never have put up with Water Mage, much less live with her._

_"That jerk," he murmured, "leaving without a word."_

_"You should talk!" came the immediate reply from Lucy and though he tried to reason that he at least left a note, Lucy was having none of it._

_"Did you ever stop to think about the people left behind?" she glared at him and all he could do was stare at her before her gaze changed to sadness and he had to avert his eyes. "About how we might feel?" Lucy whispered._

_Natsu pondered about this. Of course, he thought about it. How could he not? But at the time, her safety was more of his priority rather than her happiness. He had known she would be angry at them, but he failed to protect her a lot of times when she needed it. What if he failed again during the training trip? He knew she was strong. Knew it better than anyone, probably better than herself. But there are times that he needed to protect her just as he knows that at times, she protected him. That was why he left with only the note and hope that the guild would be there for her when he couldn't._

_That was why Natsu was angry at Gray. At least Natsu had the – no matter how lame and stupid and useless – excuse of thinking that the guild would be there for Lucy when he and Happy left. That was why he managed to leave Lucy – if he had known the guild would disband, he would have brought her with them or quite possibly postponed the training trip. What was Gray's excuse for leaving a friend – not just any friend, but Juvia – behind?_

_That was all Natsu could think about as he looked out the window at the relentless rain. As he listened to Juvia's soft cries. How he couldn't forgive Gray easily for leaving Juvia alone and making her cry. Leaving her so lonely that the rain – the telltale sign of her sadness – refused to stop at all. And how he couldn't also quite forgive himself for leaving Lucy behind a year ago. For quite possibly letting her suffer the same loneliness Juvia was currently going through if not worse. For all the tears he had caused._

_And so, he will find Gray. And he will bring back Fairy Tail. For Lucy._

_So that she can be happy again. And so that he could start making it up to her even if she doesn't love him back. Because it was enough that he loves her and that she's happy – and he will continue to fool himself with that.  
_

* * *

* * *

**_What if we rewrite the stars?_ **

**_Say you were made to be mine_ **

* * *

_  
After Juvia finally fell asleep, Natsu and the others decided to go outside despite the pouring rain if only so they could converse freely without waking up the sick mage. Everyone was thinking of what they could do for Juvia or what they could do to find Gray. But, Natsu already knew what to do. Or at least, he had a vague idea._

_It's been a year since Tartaros and that could only mean that it's been a little over a year as well since the incident with Future Rogue and the dragons. Natsu could remember clearly the warning that came from the Rogue that now ceases to exist. It would be around this time – everything just seemed so convenient after all. Gray somehow getting Demon Slaying Magic. The dark marks that Juvia saw. Gray's sudden disappearance. And then the fact that it's been a year since Future Rogue's attack. It would be around this time that would make or break who Rogue currently is. It would be around this time that Frosch would supposedly be killed. And according to Future Rogue, in his timeline, it had been Gray that did it. They needed to go to Sabertooth. If only to make sure that Frosch and Rogue stayed safe. To make sure that Lucy – his Lucy – would be safe._

_"It wasn't too far from here, was it?" he asked as he looked out on to the village surrounded by rain while he thought about how to bring Gray back. "Time to go see Sabertooth," was all he told the group and as expected, it broke into complete chaos. Lucy's annoyance at the randomness of his plan and Wendy, Carla and Happy's confusion as to why they had to go see Sabertooth. "They'd have more news and would have heard more about Gray or something. 'Sides it's not like we have much to go on. His scent is long gone and I can't trail it so we'll have to go do some Gray-hunting the old-fashioned way," was what he rambled on without letting on what he knew. It wasn't time to scare them about something that Gray hadn't – wouldn't do._

_It took some time convincing Lucy that no, he was not going crazy. And yes, he did think this through. And no, he wasn't doing it just so he could hang out with Sting. And yes, it was what they could currently do for Juvia and find Gray. Wendy and Carla decided to stay behind to take care and watch over the sick Water Mage while Natsu, Happy, and Lucy headed to Sabertooth._

_The trip was quiet as they rode the creature, but thankfully lacked the awkwardness that hung over the two mages the past few days. Lucy and Happy were just thinking of how they were going to help Juvia or how they were going to find Gray. Meanwhile, Natsu had to ponder on the implications of the possibility – now nonexistent – of Gray killing Frosch. There were a lot, none of them good and most if not all of them were destined to hurt the feelings of the blonde mage currently holding on to him. And so, he told her to stop trusting Gray. Or at least until they find him. It made sense to him and he was just trying to explain that, but it seemed she was too nervous about him not looking at the road. Really, he did not need to drive. The animal already knew where they were headed after all._

_"Lucy, I'm going to bring Gray back with me. That's a promise!" he said with utmost determination._

_And for one second, he could see the hope brought back into her eyes. Even if it was only a moment, he saw it. And he saw that she believed him just like she used to – or always did – he wasn't so sure anymore when she believed him. To Natsu, it was only the now that was important. And in that very moment, he knew she believed in this promise that Gray would be back with them._

_"Just… Trust me okay?" he whispered with a small sad smile. And quick as the hope and belief in her eyes had been, it disappeared and was replaced with sadness before she hit him to force him to face front and perhaps to force them back to normalcy once more, so they would not have to deal with the repercussions of their emotions towards one another._

_And he went along with it. But he could not help the pain he felt in his heart as it felt like his throat had closed up. His stomach in knots and the grip on the reins just a little bit tighter. He could not help the pain that came from knowing that Lucy does not trust him as much as she used to, and he brought it upon himself.  
_

* * *

* * *

**_Nothing could keep us apart_ **

**_You'd be the one I was meant to find_ **

* * *

Natsu sighed for the umpteenth time that day before looking to the sky and deciding that now was as good time as any to attack Avatar. Lucy was now rested for a fight and Happy too just in case they needed a quick escape. Standing from his seat, he walked over to Lucy to nudge her awake.

"Luce, time to wake up. It's almost nightfall," he said as he shook her gently until she responded with a small groan and opened her eyes. "Mm. Natsu?" sleep still clouding her mind. "Yeah, come on, time to get up. I'll wake Happy. Better get ready," he said with a small smile before going on to wake the blue exceed. Afterwards, they made quick work of breaking camp and heading to the dark guild nearby.

Natsu was ready to charge in since he knew he could pretty much handle the guys inside. He could sense them, and from what he could tell Ice-for-Brains was the most powerful one by a longshot. But, as always, Lucy was the voice of reason and claimed that no, they should not just barge in like hooligans. The transformation that Lucy performed did catch him by surprise though. She really has grown, he could remember her having trouble with transformation magic once upon a time after all. And while Happy was more focused on the fact that Lucy could transform like Erza, he was quite taken by the fact that Lucy was now standing in front of him in a maid outfit. A very short and sexy maid outfit. It was apparently useful for digging holes with Virgo to get into the guild.

He did not mind one bit. Although he would deny the accusations that he was blatantly staring at the black lace underwear she was wearing when she was climbing out of the hole. Yep, he was definitely not staring at that. And no, he was not getting distracted. Getting the Ice Bastard was still top priority so, he did what he does best. Natsu made a lot of noise.

* * *

In hindsight, Natsu _probably_ could have done a lot of things differently when they entered the guild. For one thing, he could have kept his mouth shut. It was all a quick blur for him really. And it all started when he saw that cursed doll from Tenrou. The weird eyebrow guy wasn't much. It was really only when the ice bastard showed up that there was trouble. And he had the gall to accuse him and Lucy and Happy of just pretending to be friends! No wonder Lucy slapped him. But that isn't the point.

The point is he completely forgot to look out for more enemies or for the ones that he already defeated and that put Lucy in the line of danger. Again. From right under his nose. He couldn't do shit earlier. Not when that stupid girl was doing something to Lucy's insides and was making her suffer, and though he knew he could get to her even with the magic-suppressing chains, he couldn't do anything with the sword precariously close to Lucy's throat. One move and that was all it would have taken to kill Lucy and he couldn't do shit. And all that Ice Bastard did was watch.

And so now they sat in a cell and Weird Brows was talking nonsense and Natsu wasn't listening. Until Lucy was tied to the ceiling and he knew that he had to do something.

"Let Lucy go!" he gritted his teeth as he held the bars to their prison tightly. If only he had his magic he'd be pulverizing this guy in an instant. And within a moment he was pulled away from the bars and to the other side of the cell, bound to the wall and helpless to do anything but watch. Again.

What was all that damn training for if he couldn't do anything damn it!

"Lucy!" He could see her fear. He could smell it, almost taste it. He didn't know what to do as he struggled while Lucy was being prepped for the torture to be inflicted on her. He struggled and struggled as much as he could to escape, pulling his bounds while Weird Brows kept insisting that he tell him what brought them to the Avatar guild. As if they hadn't already explicitly told them earlier. He kept on telling them, but they wouldn't listen. He struggled further as he saw the torture about to begin.

Then, Weird Brows lost his shit.

"LUCY!" He was beginning to break from his bounds. He could also feel his limbs protesting the movement, threatening to break his wrist or dislocate his shoulder but he didn't care because Lucy was in fucking danger. She was being stretched while bound and that axe in that fucker's hands was certainly not a good sign. He was going to fucking cut her in half. Natsu could feel himself shaking, sweating in fear while he tried and tried to escape his binds. He could feel them giving.

"Don't you dare!" Just a little more.

He wasn't going to make it!

"LUCYYYYY!"

Weird Brow froze.

No.

He was _frozen_ in ice.

Gray.

* * *

* * *

**_It's up to you and it's up to me_ **

**_No one can say what we get to be_ **

* * *

In retrospect, the whole idea that Gray was working undercover in the Avatar guild _did_ make more sense that him going all bonkers. It also puts some perspective into the whole leaving Juvia alone issue. But then again, how the hell were they supposed to know that?!

Sure, it all made sense now that they actually knew that the bastard was sure as hell not evil but that didn't mean he had to keep it a secret from Juvia damn it. Even if it was Erza's request. He would never admit that he agreed with what happened though, but he could sure as hell understand where they were coming from. Thousands of peoples' lives were at stake and they could not gamble that. Not even with how strong Gray (he'd never admit it to the bastard) and Erza were. They were right. The only time they could take down the Avatar for sure was when they were all together – today.

Well, at least the bastard apologized to Lucy. And she was smiling now. Even if he could see the slight hesitation present in her features. Damn it, he wished she would just smile like she used to. But it seemed like she didn't trust them as much as she did a year ago.

But she would again. Someday. He'd make sure of it. But for now, they had a damn operation to crush. They were all going to be fighting together side by side. After a whole year of being apart and getting stronger.

Natsu was all fired up.

Though it was only three mages and one exceed blocking the way to the town, he knew for sure that they could take them all on. And maybe, when this whole situation was dealt with, maybe he could – no, he would – talk to Lucy again.

That he really did love her. That he wanted to be with her. That he was serious. That he was really sorry for ever having have left her. And that he just wanted her to trust him again. To not show him that fake smile. That pained smile. The smile that she put on to hide all her sadness even though he could clearly see it in her eyes. That he would do anything for her just to give him that one chance to prove himself to her.

They were living very dangerous lives as mages. And for some reason, them being Fairy Tail wizards made them be in the very thick of it. In the very center. Which made it all the more dangerous. Which opened lots and lots and lots of opportunities for any of them to die. And by some sick joke of whatever god there was, he always, always, always seemed to see Lucy kidnapped, injured, nearly dying, and once, even dead. So, he wanted to talk to her. Convince her to forgive him, to trust him, to give him one chance. Because seeing her being tied up and being threatened to be cut in half not even hours ago scared him. Scared him to the point that he didn't even want to think about what could have happened if Gray wasn't really on their side. If Gray was late. If she was never saved. Because he wasn't fucking strong enough.

But for now, he didn't want to think of all that. And so, he would fight this army and he would live. They all would.

* * *

* * *

**_So why don't we rewrite the stars?_ **

**_Maybe the world could be ours, tonight._ **

* * *

Natsu stood to face the god known as Ikusa-Tsunagi. It was huge, powerful and deadly. That much, he knew. The stupid priest leader of the Avatar guild was the least of his concerns right now. But the bastard will pay. He would make sure of it himself.

No. Right now, his priorities lay in defeating the monster. Not to prove he was strong. But to protect his friends. Because they were down there along with the injured and the dead. Dead by being crushed – just by being crushed by the sheer size of the foe he was to face. They were there. _She_ was there and he'd be damned if he just lets this whatever get the people he cares for killed because this stupid priest wanted to sacrifice people for Zeref.

Natsu stood to watch his foe. Trying to concentrate merely on it. Tried to ignore everything around him except for this battle god. But it was hard. Mavis it was hard. With all the screaming and fear and blood and _death_. Screaming that reminded him of the _Games_. Fear that reminded him of _dragons_. Blood that reminded him of _Mercurius_. And death that reminded him of _her_.

"Not again. Never again," he muttered to himself.

Natsu ran. He ran like hell and centered himself on that one thought that he was going to protect her this time. That he had failed once, twice, many times, but not this time.

The god attacked. Bringing down its gigantic sword and causing more and more death while Natsu pushed on and ignored the aftershocks. Ignored the screams and the death and the blood and the fear and everything else except that determination to protect. Pushed power to his legs and jumped and ran. Ran up the sword. Ran because he was going to defeat this enemy no matter what it took, and he would be enough. His power would be enough. It had to be enough.

He could hear the blabbering of the priest. He didn't give a fuck what the guy thought. His friends' lives were worth more than just being sacrifices. _Lucy's_ life was worth more than just being a sacrifice. He wasn't going to let anyone decide her future except her. They were more than just tools. They are his family. They are his everything.

And because they are his everything, Natsu was going to protect them all. He was going to protect Lucy. Because he already failed once and he never wanted to go through that again. The failure, the shock, the pain, the agonizing pain of the knowledge that he had failed to protect and would never see her again. Never see her smile.

He was going to protect them all so that no one, not one, will vanish before his very eyes. So that no one will fall from the sky, torn like Igneel whom he'd searched for years and had minutes with before his death – before he vanished. So that no one will cry, bleeding to death like Lucy – Future Lucy. Future Lucy who risked everything, who was so pained, who smiled like his own Lucy. Never again. Because he didn't think he could take it again. He wouldn't – couldn't – lose her like that ever again.

He wouldn't let anyone vanish before his eyes ever again. He wouldn't let her vanish. So, he was going to get a lot stronger. And if it was going to start by defeating one battle god. Then, damn right he will.

Natsu let his power flow. Let his fire – Igneel's fire – burst into the searing hot flames that made him the Fire Dragon King. And he slammed it on Ikusa-Tsunagi.

"Fire Dragon King's Demolishing Strike!"

The Ikusa-Tsunagi knew no more. And all that was left was the remains turned into rubble and ashes. Natsu Dragneel stood amidst the devastation with pride and the knowledge that he succeeded in protecting all he held dear.

With the arrival of the Council, Natsu could finally breathe and looked to the crowd that was his friends. The crowd where she stood in all her glory and hidden power that made him breathless. And in this moment where he had just defeated hundreds of enemies and one fucking battle god, he knew, he just knew that he had to be with her.

And if Natsu Dragneel could defeat a battle god and live, then he sure as hell will try and never give up on getting Lucy to give him one chance – one last chance – to prove to her that he loved her.


	2. Not The One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Hi again everyone! I'm just really really glad to thank everyone that has read, followed, faved and reviewed my fic so far. I will occasionally reply to some of the reviews and it really makes me happy to see all the support and love that this fic has received so far. So, it took me around 3 weeks to actually finish Chapter 2 and it's been a bit hard but I hope this would be to your liking as well..._
> 
> _Again, there's going to be a lot of spoilers throughout the chapter, so I'd suggest getting through the manga if you haven't already. This chapter is mostly set during the events of Chapter 437 to 447, the start of the Alvarez Arc._
> 
> _So without further ado, we continue on with our story!_

* * *

* * *

_**You think it's easy?** _

_**You think I don't want to run to you** _

* * *

She was full of doubt and insecurities. She has always had them but as the weeks flew by, she was sure that they were more prominent than ever in her own mind. And it wasn't like she wanted to have them or was constantly bringing them to the forefront of her mind. No, it was just there whenever she would look at her guildmates. At her team. At Natsu. With all the doubts that rested within her, Lucy Heartfilia could only be sure of one thing right at this moment. She didn't trust her guild as much as she did before. Lucy did not trust Natsu as much as she used to.

Lucy knew for herself that this was not for lack of trying however. And it wasn't like she  _didn't want_  to trust them either. It was really just that she could not seem to give her complete faith in them anymore. Not like she used to. She wanted to though. Fairy Tail was – is – her guild after all. And Natsu was – is – her partner. But whenever she looks at them – anyone from Fairy Tail really, there's this small nagging whisper that would make her doubt them and herself. Lucy was really starting to understand that it was easy to forgive but not so easy to forget.

There wasn't anything to forgive though. Lucy knew that. She knew it in her heart and in her mind. It still hurt though. It didn't matter that she understood. It still hurt.

She liked to think that she hid it well though. Hid the truth that it still hurts thinking of what happened a year ago. It was easier since it was only Team Natsu and Mest that was on a ten-day journey to Alvarez. In a few hours they'd be reaching Caracol Island so everyone was mostly keeping to themselves to immerse in battle and infiltration plans. Lucy tried to immerse herself in plans. But seeing – being with Team Natsu made her immerse in memories.

A year ago, Natsu and Happy had left first, leaving her nothing but a letter and memories. It took her by complete surprise and she ran in a futile attempt to chase them back then. It hurt then because she had just lost Aquarius and haven't even been able to talk to anyone about it yet. And Natsu and Happy had left her. She understood, he lost his father. And maybe it was selfish, but she didn't really care then with all the pain and betrayal that she felt, but  _what about her_? She lost Aquarius – the closest thing to a mother that she had after Layla Heartfilia had passed on. And since Natsu and Happy had left, she also lost her partners. The next day, she lost her guild.  _The rest of her family_. It was selfish to wish that they would stay, Lucy knew.

But it didn't stop her from hoping. And she didn't stop any of them from leaving.

Lucy had waved and said her goodbyes as guildmate after guildmate left. She wished them well and hugged each of them before they left Magnolia. She smiled as she watched them leave to follow their own paths. She smiled even as her heart was breaking each time a member left and she lost another part of her family. And yet, she smiled, because she understood. She understood that they needed to leave.

It didn't lessen the pain at all.

It took her everything to continue with her life. Took her everything to move on. And even then, it hadn't been enough. Nowhere near enough.

And so, when Natsu and Happy came back, Lucy had been stilled by the resurgence of memories and emotions that she had chosen to attempt to bury with mountains of work and training. There was  _so much_  that she couldn't even process all of them fully. It was a whirlwind since Natsu's return but there was one thing that happened that really managed to shake her down to the core and send her world into disarray – Natsu's confession. 

* * *

* * *

_**But there are mountains** _

_**And there are doors that we can't walk through** _

* * *

_Natsu was acting weird. That much Lucy was sure of as she watched him get lost in his thoughts for the umpteenth time that day. It wasn't like it was a bad thing that Natsu gets lost in thought, it was just that it happened so many times already that Lucy was beginning to wonder if this was one of the many changes that befell the dragonslayer during the year they were apart. It took her a while to notice this actually happening though and she could readily admit that the fault was on her part. It was hard to look at Natsu after all._

_Ever since Natsu and Happy's return, Lucy found that going back to the old routine was difficult. Actually, it was more than difficult. It was painful. It was really awkward at first, seeing them after being released and treating them to food. Even spending time with them in her house had been a bit awkward and tiring. She was glad they were back. But, that was it._

_She didn't know where to go from there. It wasn't like one of those cliché stories that they just got back into their old rhythm and swing of things. No, it was more of Lucy knew she was glad that they returned, but she didn't exactly_ feel _it. Every smile and laugh was just a tiny bit forced and every tale she told was laced with a bit of hesitation._

_It was like she was trying to get them back in her life, but she didn't know how. She didn't know where they fit anymore. And it bothered her. Greatly. Because if she didn't know how to be with Natsu – one of the people closest to her in Fairy Tail – then how did she know that she could handle the rest of the guild. Assuming that they even got the guild back together._

_Lucy was slapped back to reality. The thought was like ice cold water being splashed into her very being. Where had that thought even come from? They were getting the guild back together with Natsu, right? Right?_

_The Celestial Mage was stupefied with the realization that she wasn't sure. That she had doubts._

_Lucy shook the thoughts out of her head and turned her attention back to Natsu sitting across from her, the campfire in between them. He was still lost in his own thoughts apparently. She cleared her throat hoping that this would snap the pinkette back to reality. "Natsu, are you sure you're alright? You've been spacing out an awful lot today," she asked softly as to not wake the sleeping Happy. It took a while for his reply. "I love you, Luce."_

_Laughter was the immediate response she could think of to hide her shock, nervousness and fear. Why was she nervous? Or afraid? She didn't know. She couldn't think of anything to say. "I love you too, silly dragon," was what flew out from her lips but "Lies, lies, lies,"_   _was the mantra of thought in her head. "Gosh, I didn't think you'd miss me that much. Gonna tell Gray that too when we find him?" was her sad attempt at teasing._

_She didn't understand what was happening. What he was saying. Why he was doing this._

" _No Luce. I mean I love you. Just you. I love_ _ **you**_ _."_

_There was no hint of humor in his eyes. Only dead certainty. And her own attempts at humor faltered and dispersed completely, leaving only the true emotions that were boiling within her._

_Surprise and confusion were at the forefront of her very being. She couldn't for the life of her figure out where this had come from. It wasn't a joke, it wasn't familial love, it wasn't even a love for friends that Natsu held for her. He_ loved _her. Romantically. "How could he say that? After all this time?" was the thought that ran through her head. How could he tell her he loved her when he left her? She had been left in the dark for a year when it concerned his whereabouts, his well-being. And now, he was telling her that he loves her? Was he even sure that he loved her? Was he even sure that he knew her still? Or was it the old Lucy that he loves? She wasn't even sure if he was still the same Natsu –_

" _I'm sorry. I need to go. You should sleep, I'll go take watch around the woods," she uttered, a certain tightness in her voice as she struggled to speak and abruptly left camp to head into the direction of the woods. Her stride was full of purpose, her fists clenched at her side, her lips formed a tight line, but her eyes. Her eyes were misted, struggling to keep her vision clear as memories flooded her from every crevice of her mind. She walked until she felt safe enough. Safe away from Natsu. Safe enough to let the tears fall._

_Every bit of repressed tears of the past year came flowing. She hadn't cried since the night Natsu had left. She had struggled to forget all of these emotions that flooded her now. But with the memories, it was getting harder to ignore them._

_Why did he have to tell her he loved her? Why now?_

_Lucy cried for all the pain that she felt right at that moment. For all the pain that she repressed and ignored in the year that he had gone._

_She cried because she just wasn't the same anymore._

_She cried because she loved him too._

_She cried because she never really stopped loving him._

_But she could no longer bring herself to trust him to hold her heart._

* * *

* * *

_**I know you're wondering why** _

_**Because we're able to be** _

* * *

_Time flew by quickly since Natsu's confession and Lucy's own revelation. Or at least that's what she thought. Everything was a blur between finding Wendy and the battle against Avatar. Every event seemed like being dumped cold water though in the Celestial Mage's own perspective. Wendy's initial refusal to leave Lamia Scale and Gray's "betrayal" that is._

_It was a little irrational, Lucy knew, but she couldn't help but think over the events sometimes. What if Wendy really did want to stay in Lamia Scale? What if Gray really did become corrupt? It wasn't like she actually communicated with anyone in the past year. And what if they really were getting ahead of themselves in this attempt to bring back the guild? The ones that they had managed to meet up with had been ecstatic about it. But what about the other ones? It's not like she received any replies, after all. Even if what she sent was just a vague letter telling everyone to meet at Magnolia and spread the word of Fairy Tail's revival._

_That had been all Lucy could do before they set off for Magnolia. The rest was up to them. But what if they didn't want to come back? Thoughts like this continued to plague the blonde mage as they walked through the streets of Magnolia._

_It was hard to be back. What if the others thought so as well?_

_Lucy was almost – no – she was afraid to continue walking towards the guild. Her steps faltered and halted. There were so many memories in this town but what was flooding her was the day that Master Makarov disbanded the guild. What was flooding her were memories of the guild members – her family – leaving to follow their own paths as each day passed until she was the only one left in Magnolia. And then she too, left._

_She didn't think that she ever really left Magnolia though. Not in the way that mattered. She never really moved on. Lucy was stuck in the past and it was making her scared. Call her a coward, but about this, she wouldn't care. She would even admit it. And she did._

_She confessed her fears. Even just a small portion of them. She confessed them to Wendy and Carla and Happy. She confessed them to Natsu. That she was scared to go on further. That what if they can't revive Fairy Tail. That maybe they won't be able to get everyone back together._

_Then, Cana was_ there _. It was a sight that Lucy had to process for moments. Cana was_ there _and Lucy had remembered how angry and devastated the woman was a year ago on the day she had set off to find her father. And yet, here she was. Smiling and drinking and grinning and_ healed _. Cana had moved on and yet she came back._

" _Come on! They're all waiting!" the Card Mage yelled right as Lucy felt herself getting pulled. "All?" the blonde asked, her thoughts in chaos and screaming. That maybe, just maybe, everybody else came back._

_Lucy ran as she was dragged by Cana. She was almost afraid to look but she didn't turn away from the approaching sight. She didn't dare look away until they stopped, and she just stood there. She just stood and looked at everyone._

_Because they were all_ there _. She wasn't looking at an empty space in front of the rubble that was once their guild hall anymore. She wasn't imagining them. She wasn't looking at them waving and walking off to find their own paths. She was looking at them after they did and they still came back – because Fairy Tail is_ still _home._

_Lucy could feel herself shaking, trembling with the sheer amount of force that was flooding her because of all these emotions and memories. She found every face to be a punch in the gut or maybe a grip on her throat as she struggled to control the flood before she was completely overwhelmed. But Mira, sweet and gentle Mirajane with her warmth, smiled._

" _Welcome back!"_

_The tears fell before she could stop them. Everything hurt. She was struggling. She still couldn't forget. She still hasn't moved on. She wasn't the same anymore. Her own insecurities remain and she doesn't trust everyone as she once did. "I'm home…"_

_Everyone's together. It wasn't anything special because Fairy Tail was probably always meant to rise again as it always did. But Lucy was still so overwhelmed with emotions – happiness and lingering pain – that her chest hurt and she could only sob "I'm home!" and hold on to Mira for dear life._

_But as she looked to the tattered banner of her guild standing proud through tear-filled eyes. As she watched the tattered remains of the banner flowing with the wind, Lucy thinks that she has come home. That maybe, she will also start to heal and move on and trust again._

_That maybe, everything will be okay._

* * *

* * *

_**Just you and me within these walls** _

_**But when we go outside** _

* * *

Lucy shook her head to rid herself of the memories that plagued her. It doesn't do any good to dwell in such thoughts right now. After all, they were on a mission to rescue Master Makarov in a country full of danger. The blonde mage sighs as she stood from where she sat on the deck and strode over to the edge, waiting for the island of Caracol to come into view.

It was only Gray, Erza and Mest on deck with her. Natsu and Wendy were resting below deck with their exceeds to help take care of them while they suffered from motion sickness. Although it was a mean thought, Lucy thanked Mavis for small favors.

Her interactions with everyone was limited due to the rebuilding of the guild and right after that was this sudden mission to Alvarez so it was no wonder that it seemed like she was interacting with everyone normally. She wasn't though.

Lucy smiled and joked around with everybody, but at times, it was just a little bit forced.

Joking around with Gray felt a little awkward and Lucy struggled to hide how she was forcing her laugh or how she would think that he might suddenly disappear if a whisper of END was heard.

Planning with Erza was just a little harder but Lucy continued to put forth some ideas as she did in the past, it was hard not to think though if Erza had secret battle plans that the team was not privy to. And so, Lucy made her own just in case.

Casual talk with Wendy was a tiny bit forced when Lucy would wonder if the Sky Dragonslayer ever regretted leaving Chelia and Lamia Scale behind.

Mest, basically, she ignored most of the time, it wasn't hard – they didn't really know each other except in passing.

Natsu was the hardest. Lucy never let herself be alone with the dragonslayer since the night he confessed. Well, except for that one time that they were heading to the guild to help with the rebuilding. "I won't give up Luce. Not until you give me a chance," was what he said whilst they walked. Lucy pretended not to hear and quickly set off to work. They hadn't talked about anything related to the confession since.

Lucy was once more snapped away from her thoughts when the captain of their ship announced Caracol Island. The blonde mage squinted as she tried to make out the looming figures on the island's harbor which turned out to be military ships. She bit her lip in trepidation as everyone tried to find out why the military was present, only for Natsu and Wendy to show up on deck – seemingly like they dragged themselves to get there – to tell them that the military was looking for a spy. More specifically, it was likely  _their_  spy.

Of course, this led to the rest of the ride being used to plan how they were going to get into the island without getting caught. Pros and cons were weighed until they could come up with a feasible enough plan that could get them past the guards.

Surely, they could pass of as tourists, right? Just a couple of mages going on a little vacation.

Yeah right. Who the hell was she kidding?

* * *

* * *

_**You're gonna wake up and see** _

_**That it was hopeless after all** _

* * *

Everything pretty much went to shit not even five minutes since they got on the island. Lucy expected that really. Having Natsu and Gray together on a team together pretty much dashed away any chances of going undercover successfully. And it's not like any of them would just stand around and watch a couple of bullies threatening a child.

So yep, getting in had been the easy part. Setting off any alarms was the one they were guaranteed to fail. Fighting off military, aka today's bad guys, that one they would likely have some success. It had been pretty easy, if Lucy was really honest with herself. Between the guild brawls and this, well, guild brawls were just a tad bit nastier and messier.

It was too easy. Until someone blew up the star mango shack that is.

Lucy should have known that when Erza couldn't use her magic, something was already wrong. Very wrong. Someone strong enough to block Erza's sheer amount of magic would undeniably be a fearsome opponent. And she really should have already thought that if Erza couldn't use her magic, then surely, she would fail as well.

She didn't think it would harm her to try. "Open! Gate of the Archer!" She was wrong.

Her body was tingling, raising goosebumps on every surface of her skin, and when she looked, Lucy could see her body vanishing. The tingles were unpleasant. It felt like she was being violated in every crevice of her body. She tried to ignore the feeling, tried to will herself to stop vanishing. But her magic was unreachable.

Next thing she knew, she wasn't at Caracol Island anymore. Lucy was quick to survey her surroundings as she stood in the middle of a room, Erza was nowhere in sight.

The room had no doors. No windows. Just four walls, the ceiling and the floor, colored by random patterns of blue and green and black like it was one big colorful zebra. There was a white mattress on the floor and beside it was an oak dresser beside it, sealed so tightly that Lucy could only imagine and fear what was inside. Both items were such stark contrasts to the room itself that the sight in itself was creepy. She tried her magic once more, she could feel it residing in her in gentle waves, but untouchable.

There was no way of escape. She was at the mercy of the creepy guy that attacked them.

Lucy sat herself on the floor, as far away from the dresser and the mattress as possible. She hugged her legs and buried her head between her chest and her knees as she closed her eyes, waiting. There was nothing else she could do but wait. She was useless. Again.

She knew she shouldn't let this get her down. She was stronger now. She trained long and hard in the past year. Even Erza wasn't able to use her magic. She knew she shouldn't let this get to her but damn it! She'd been trying to get stronger, so they wouldn't have to save her ass all the damn time.

And yet, here she was. Trapped in who knows where by a creeper and she won't be able to do a damn thing about it. She could fight him off when he arrives, but even if she took him by surprise, she wouldn't last long in a fistfight. If she would even be able to last at all.

Everyone's changed and gotten stronger. Lucy  _felt_  that. She thinks she's changed too. Because she wasn't that same girl they left in Magnolia anymore. But somehow, it also felt like nothing's changed – and not in a good way. Because she was still useless and weak. She can tell herself over and over again that she's gotten stronger or put off a brave front. But that is all it'll ever be. A front.

Like every other damn time, she can't stand on even ground with her teammates. Like every other damn time, she needed someone – or everyone – to save her damn ass.

Self-destructing thoughts were continuous until Lucy felt the shift in her surroundings. The feeling more unpleasant than earlier. While the earlier one had been tingles of being violated, this one was like a constant drain. A drain on her magic and her consciousness even though she could feel that her magic containers were unchanging in their levels. The drain continued until she could no longer hold herself upright and she felt herself falling.

The next thing Lucy knew was pain and sand. And an overwhelming magic power. Lucy could only watch, stupefied into silence by everything that was continuing to unfold. The Alvarez Empire was on to them and they could barely stand against one of their wizards.

She had felt powerless before, but Lucy had never felt so overwhelmingly small in her whole life than she did floating in the ocean whilst the woman stood on the rock that was once the island of Caracol.

* * *

* * *

_**No one can rewrite the stars** _

_**How can you say you'll be mine?** _

* * *

They were stopping for the night. Apparently, the temple could only be powered by Angel thanks to her actual magic and since the Alvarez Kingdom was about a five-day boat ride from Caracol, Lucy could say that they were making good time. Not that she could really tell since they were under the ocean. That was probably another reason they were stopping for the night. Even between Erza's wits and Mest's past as a Rune Knight, it was only Angel that actually  _knew_  how to navigate underneath the ocean.

Thus, how they found themselves in different rooms within the temple to get some rest. Angel estimated another day and half before they can get to Alvarez. Until then, they had time to recuperate and strategize. In Lucy's case, gather herself mentally for the upcoming fight.

The events in Caracol Island had been a severe wakeup call for the blonde. They were severely overpowered. They couldn't even defeat a lackey, let alone one of the Spriggan 12. Hell, Lucy couldn't even do a thing! And it stung. It stung her pride and self-esteem. How could she help save the Master if she couldn't even do a thing? Why was she even there?

Lucy was snapped away from her reverie when she heard a series of taps. Looking at the doorway, the Celestial Mage could make out the Fire Dragonslayer standing outside her "room".

The place in the temple that Lucy had commandeered was just like any vacant room in the temple. It had four walls made of bricks and a single doorway which let anyone come and go as they pleased. Her bedroll was laid out on the far side of the room facing the doorway and the rest of her stuff was placed right beside it.

It was on the bedroll where Lucy was sitting when Natsu had arrived.

"Natsu," she managed a small, if not slightly awkward smile at the salmon-haired mage.

"Lucy," Natsu said, barely looking at her, his hand scratching the back of his head as if unsure of himself. "Can we talk?"

That was the last thing she wanted if she was really honest, but perhaps they needed this. There was so much friction in their team that Lucy feared it could cost them the mission. That it could cost them all of their lives. "Sure Natsu. Come on in."

The dragonslayer was uncomfortable. That much Lucy could see as Natsu situated himself in the room, sitting on her bedroll and facing her. He looked at her and his eyes were filled with so much intensity that Lucy didn't know what to do with herself. Neither of them spoke for a while. Both of them unsure of where to go from the point that Natsu was allowed inside to talk.

"Luce. What happened at Caracol, it… I was scared. Really scared," Natsu whispered, and yet it seemed so loud in Lucy's ears. She could understand though, she was too, but she really didn't get where Natsu was going with this. That and it was weird in itself that he was actually admitting to being afraid. "I know. I was too. Their magic is nothing like I've seen before. Especially that woman."

Natsu shook his head. "No Luce. I wasn't scared because of that crazy lady," Lucy's eyebrows furrowed at that. Then - … "I was scared 'cause I thought you'd disappeared. For good this time. And I couldn't do a thing. Again. There wasn't any Michelle or Future Lucy to save you this time. And I couldn't protect you. And you were vanishing, and I couldn't do a thing."

Lucy could see that Natsu was shaking. She was too. However, Natsu was shaking from fear apparently. She was shaking with fury of being reminded of her own failures. Of her own incapability and utter uselessness. She clenched her fist. "Do you think so little of me that I need protecting? Do you think I'm that weak?" she asked, looking down so as to not look at the dragonslayer's eyes.

Natsu shook his head, a sorrowful smile on his face that didn't really fit with her image of him. "I know better than anyone just how strong you are. But can you really blame me for wanting to protect the woman I love?"

Lucy bit her lip at his easy declaration. "How can you say that?" her voice was strained as she closed her eyes and struggled to contain her emotions. How could he so casually say that he loved her after everything?

"Because I do, Luce," Natsu sighed. "We're mages, Luce. A normal day is dangerous, a bad day is a downright near-death experience, and on our worst, someone could die. I want to be with you as much as I can, I want to be able to protect you. I don't want to give up. I can't handle you disappearing ever again Luce," he said with as much gentleness that she didn't know he had. Or maybe she did and had just forgotten.

But this was too much. Lucy didn't want this, her eyes squeezing shut. She didn't know how to handle this.

"I know you're still mad at me and I really am sorry for leaving you Lucy," Natsu reached for her shaking fist. Her eyes opened and met Natsu's. Lucy pulled away as if she'd been burned.

A look of pure pain crossed Natsu features as he pulled his hand back. "Why won't you give me a chance Luce?"

"Because I don't know if I can trust you again," she whispered, and she heard Natsu's breath still in the silent room. "I don't know if I can trust you or Happy or Gray or Erza or anyone in the guild," she inhaled through her nose, trying to steady her breathing. Hoping that it would somehow calm her raging emotions.

"I understand you know. I know just how much everyone lost that day. I know just how much everyone needed to be stronger or how much they needed to move on. I  _know_ that. And maybe it's selfish to ask, but do you know how much  _I_  lost?" she saw him flinch, saw him begin to think – try to recall. But he won't because there is  _nothing_  to recall. She hadn't told anyone, hadn't had the chance to because they all left. "I lost  _everything_."

It was at this point that Lucy let the tears flow until she could no longer contain the sobs. "You had Happy. Gray had Juvia. Wendy had Carla. Gajeel had Lily and Levy. Hell, even Erza had Jellal and the Seis! What the hell did I have? A fucking note telling me to take care of the damn guild, that's what! A guild with nothing but memories and rubble!"

That and a broken key.

But she wasn't going to tell him that. Not about Aquarius. It still hurt too much. She couldn't even talk to any of her spirits about it yet.

Apparently, everything still hurt too much. Aquarius. The guild. Natsu. Her own weakness. Everything was a blow. She hadn't moved on. Not by an inch. She couldn't by herself. And she couldn't when she could barely trust a soul in her reformed guild.

* * *

* * *

_**Everything keeps us apart** _

_**And I'm not the one you were meant to find** _

* * *

Lucy Heartfilia was one big gaping wound. One that was still open and bleeding. Natsu Dragneel could see that now. And so, he inched closer and closer at the sobbing blonde until he could encase her in his arms. She fought him off with weak pounds at his chest and feeble flails of her legs. But Natsu held on because he feared that letting go would only worsen the wound.

Seconds became minutes. Minutes became hours. Natsu didn't know how long until her sobs turned into evened breaths of slumber, but he continued to hold her as he laid her on her bedroll. He held her until morning came and he had to stagger out of the room as the temple was set into motion.

The following night, he sneaked in while she slept and held her again until morning.

* * *

Lucy had half an ear on the plans for rescuing Master Makarov when it was being discussed back at the temple. It's not like they had much plans to begin with anyways since there was not much any of them  _could_  do with regards to this.

Basically, Mest was going to teleport them out of the temple and to Alvarez soil, they were going to then travel all the way to the outskirts of Vistarion, the capital of Alvarez. From there, Mest was going to teleport to Makarov then back to them and then they'll head back to the temple the way they came.

Easy.

Until something goes wrong. Which was basically bound to happen. It was a solid plan though.

Basically, nothing had happened yet, and they were already well on their way to Vistarion. They were already nearing the outskirts and would just have to find a place that would be secure enough for Team Natsu to hide and Mest to teleport out of and come back to.

Everyone was travelling in silence due to the dangerous nature of their mission, which basically led to Lucy's wandering thoughts. She's been having much of that lately it seemed. Today's thoughts were of the salmon-haired dragonslayer that sneaked into her bedroll last night.

Of course, she knew. She wasn't a light sleeper, but she wasn't that heavy of a sleeper either. And so, at some point the night before, she did wake up and was quite surprised to find a warm body encasing hers. She had half a mind to kick him out. But… She didn't.

Being in Natsu's arms felt so wrong. But it felt so right at the same time. It was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. Her love for him and her utter fear to trust him. It was so conflicting. So contradicting to be having such feelings.

She shook her head, as if doing so would shut off her thoughts. Shut off her emotions. "You alright, Lucy?" a half-naked Gray spoke beside her. "Hmm. Yeah, just thinking about where we should stop," she lied with a small smile and the Ice Mage dropped the issue because Mest spoke up. "Here's near enough," and the magic vehicle screeched to a halt.

They all got off the vehicle and walked to the cover of more trees in order to wait just as they had planned hours ago.

One moment, Mest was standing there with them. The next, Lucy was staring at an empty space. Not more than three minutes later, he returned. Master Makarov in his arms. The short-lived joy was replaced by shock and fear.

"Zeref! Zeref was there!" Mest had yelled in between panting breaths. Lucy stilled, trying to digest this information all at once but was stopped as Makarov began to speak.

Began to shake. Began to cry.

This was the man that caused her family to leave. The man that disbanded Fairy Tail.

Out of love of his children. To protect his children.

Lucy couldn't see the proud and angry man that disbanded her guild.

All she could see was a tired, old man that had been giving his all in a dangerous land far away from home. Far away from his children.

She heard all of Makarov's reasons from Mest. She'd known it when they travelled to Alvarez. But her anger and distrust of the old man stemming from the disbandment had been clouding her judgment. It had been one thing to hear his reasons.

It was a whole other thing to see it with her own eyes.

How broken he had become. How sad. How regretful. How tired.

Lucy could not bring herself to hate this man. This man that had become the grandfather she never had. The one that guided her through her time in Fairy Tail.

Lucy loved Fairy Tail. She still does. But as she looks at Master Makarov in tears and being pulled up by Natsu, Lucy realizes that Makarov loves Fairy Tail more than Lucy ever did and more than she ever will.

She thinks she feels some of her pain and anger ebb away.

* * *

* * *

_**It's not up to you, it's not up to me** _

_**When everyone tells us what we can be** _

* * *

The small piece of joy that Lucy had gained with a small part of her soul being healed was cut abruptly by a large amount of magic that arrived in their small area. The sheer amount of magic alone was comparable to the woman's they had seen in Caracol.

Another member of the Spriggan 12.

They retreated with haste. And for good reason. A man that could find them in no more than five minutes and with magic containers rivaling a woman that could shrink a whole island was a very dangerous foe. The speed at which Erza drove the vehicle despite the large toll it would surely take from her was a serious sign of the urgency of the matter.

And yet that man had no trouble keeping up. "Lucy! Let's hold him off!" Gray growled and Lucy could only agree. There was no time for hesitation as she climbed up to the roof of the vehicle. There was no time for hesitation because there was no one else that could fight.

Erza was driving. Mest, Carla and Happy didn't have magic useful enough for combat at this degree. Natsu and Wendy were incapacitated by motion sickness. Master's magic was not fit for a moving vehicle. Only she and Gray could do this.

"Star Dress… Sagittarius Form!" Lucy could feel the magic enveloping her, changing her senses and equipping her with a weapon. A bow and arrow befitting the constellation of the Archer. Beside her, she could feel Gray changing as well – the air surrounding him getting colder and on the underlying surface of his aura was a hint of darkness. Barely there but still existing due to his Demon Slaying Magic.

And true to his growth, in the blink of an eye, hectares upon hectares of soil and trees and sand was encased in ice. And yet that man still escaped and continued to chase them, sending hordes of sand monsters their way. "Leave them to me!"

Lucy aimed, cataloging all the monsters she could see. And with a burst of magic, she released the arrow that multiplied as it was released from the bow. "Star Shot!" Each one had found their mark. It continued for a while. A small while. Gray freezing the sand monsters with her shooting the others. Until the man disappeared. And they found themselves sinking.

In a pit of sand.

The man was despicable. Lucy could understand that much as she was sinking in the sand. She was reaching, reaching for her magic, but it wouldn't do anything that could actually help her – help everyone get out of the sand.

"You're not even in my league, you pathetic little bugs! Even the gods have abandoned the land of Ishgal!" the man cackled and it angered Lucy. It angered Lucy that he was right. That she wasn't in his league, nowhere at all near it, but damn it all, she was going to fight for her guild.

The next thing Lucy knew was warmth. A familiar warmth. Burning but never hurting. Burning the transformation magic that hid her guild mark.

Lucy looked to the source of that warmth. To the dragonslayer standing tall and proud. And nothing else but this fight and her pride as a Fairy Tail mage mattered. Because no matter how hurt she'd been because of the guild, she still loved it. Fairy Tail was – is her family. And family forgives and protects – and trusts.

She's still a long way from erasing that fear of trusting again, but as Lucy watches Natsu punch that sand guy, she thinks that being abandoned by the gods is not such a bad thing.

As long as Fairy Tail stands strong.

* * *

* * *

_**How can we rewrite the stars,** _

_**Say that the world can be ours, tonight?** _

* * *

Alright, maybe it was a little disconcerting to find that the man had actually  _liked_  being punched by Natsu. Still, Lucy found that it was quite nice to be standing with her guildmates – with her team – again. It was giving her more courage to actually stand despite her quaking knees and shaking hands.

After all, the power they were facing was more than anything they had ever faced in the past. And it was showing. Because with this man, it was one surprise followed by the next.

First, it was a sand pit. Now, the sand was just swirling and sucking them in. And before they even had time to realize it, they were in the palm of Master Makarov's hands. Literally.

"You are not going to touch my kids!" the booming voice of the master was all Lucy could hear even with the shouting coming from Natsu. It was the sheer determination and force and love that was in the Makarov's voice that shook Lucy down to her very core. She could feel him sweating from the heat and maybe, Lucy thinks, because he is afraid.

Lucy doesn't think any less of him. Because she was afraid too.

She couldn't see what was happening outside. She could only hear – and she couldn't even hear everything. But she could hear the rumble of the earth. And with the master not moving, she thinks it's a bad sign.

"Now… swallow … Sands … Death!" were the garbled words Lucy could make out from where they were situated. And she fears. Fears for the Master because she understood.

Understood his desire to protect. Because she had the same desire last year when everyone else was trapped. The desire to protect even at the cost of one's life.

Lucy thinks she's screaming, but she wasn't. She thinks she's crying. Maybe she is. All she could process was that Master was about to sacrifice his life for them. For her.

And she could also die. They could all die.

But mostly, she realizes, and she regrets.

She realizes it hurts. The past hurts. Moving on hurts. Betrayal hurts. Abandonment hurts. But nothing hurt more than regret. And she realizes that has a lot of regrets.

"I'm going to protect you all no matter what it takes! I promise." Lucy could feel her tears as she held on to the Master's calloused palms, pleading for him to run. So, he could survive. Because she can't lose another one. Not when she had barely begun to heal.

She regrets fearing to trust because of the past. She regrets doubting those she held dearest. She regrets letting fear control her.

"Master! Run away!" Lucy remembers screaming. So much screaming. And the crash of deafening thunder.  _Laxus_.

Lucy remembers tears when she hears the voices of her guildmates. Remembers feeling so relieved that they were saved. Remembers the sensations of the first real smile she's had in more than a year forming as she first sees her guildmates on Christina. Remembers the realizations that came to her while being held in Master's hands.

And now, Lucy knows. Everything still hurts. It still will for a time. But it's okay. Because she wasn't going to let fear stop her anymore.

It was a start – and exactly what she needed.


	3. It's Not Impossible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a long overdue chapter for all of you! I know it's been so long and I want to thank everyone for your support. This took me a while to write because of school and to all of you out there who have been waiting, I've tried my best to make it well worth the wait. Reviews will be very much appreciated and thank you in advance for your continuous support!
> 
> Again, there's going to be a lot of spoilers throughout the chapter, so I'd suggest getting through the manga if you haven't already. This chapter is mostly set during the events of Chapter 448 to 469, the start of the Alvarez Arc.

* * *

* * *

_**All I want is to fly with you** _

_**All I want is to fall with you** _

* * *

She looked on in wonder at the reformed guild hall situated at the edge of Magnolia, the banner of Fairy Tail standing proud at the very top and swaying with the wind, no longer tattered and broken. It had been a little over two weeks since they had left Magnolia to rescue the master, and yet the guild hall was once again whole. It wasn't as majestic as some of the previous ones, but it had the same feel to it as it always did when she walked through those doors. The feeling of coming home.

Of course, the guild had erupted into chaos as soon as they walked in with Master Makarov in tow. Lucy should have expected that really, so she merely shrugged and stood at the back of the group watching every interaction, taking it all in and just reveling in the feeling of everyone being together after a whole year apart. Though she didn't feel as comfortable as she did within the guild hall as she did more than a year ago, watching everyone felt like a step in the right direction.

And so, as she sat with Levy while watching everyone, she lets her thoughts wander. That had been happening a lot lately, but she thinks it's pretty normal with everything that has been happening. Everything had been moving way too fast and there was barely any room to breathe and process what was happening all around her. They guild was back. And not even a month into its reformation, they were going to face another war. A war of which they had never even thought possible.

Lucy smiles hesitantly as Cana approaches her and hands her a beer. She then thinks that there were so many things that could go wrong at any time, and she had just started to move forward.  _There was not enough time_ is all she could think while she downed her drink in one go. She thinks that there is always that possibility to lose someone, even as she hopes that they would win without losses. She hopes that they could continue to laugh, and she could begin to trust them all fully again. To be able to lean on them freely and without a hint of hesitation. That was all she wished as she drank until Master called their attention.

She wonders if they really meant forgiving the Master. She wonders if it was true when some of them said that it no longer bothered them. Because it wasn't for her, not until a few days ago when she came to terms about the disbandment of the guild. She only started to truly move on from it because she saw with her own eyes what it had taken for Master Makarov to come to that decision. If she didn't, then she really probably wouldn't have been able to truly forgive the old man. Lucy sighed as she downed the last of her drink just as Natsu was burning off the map on the table.

"It ain't about winning! We're makin' a stand to keep on living! That's what we're fightin' for!" he had screamed for the whole guild and Lucy agreed. That's what she would be fighting for. A future. A future where she can move on, love and trust wholeheartedly. "It's time for some payback!" the Master yelled, and Lucy felt determination swell up inside of her. "If it's us, we can do it," she muttered and hoped that what she was forcing herself to believe would hold true.

Lucy watched as the First Master, Mavis Vermillion, stepped out and she had to wonder if the projection they were seeing was linked at all to the body that they had found weeks ago. But perhaps, she would come to know as the First would tell"the story of a cursed boy and a cursed girl".

* * *

The moment that Mavis had begun to tell her story, Lucy had felt a twinge of pain and familiarity. She had always thought that the One Magic was Love as taught to her by her mother. But it seemed that there was always more than what meets the eye. And the familiarity – because how Mavis and Zeref met just so happened to hit a little too close to home.

An unexpected meeting. Being drawn to the person. Learning from him. These were things that she also experienced from Natsu. And she loved him. Just like how Mavis loved Zeref. Their whole story was cruel, crueller than she had even experienced, known or even come to imagine. To kill because you loved. Or to save because you didn't. It had been their reality. And it had been the cause of Mavis' death and Zeref giving up hope on life. And as the First Master of Fairy Tail bows her head in shame to begin her apologies, her eyes showing remorse, regret and sadness that Lucy had never associated with her, Lucy wonders how painful this could be for her.

"Where's the crime in lovin' someone else? I ain't gonna arrest anybody for that!"

Lucy turns her head abruptly and stares at Gajeel, her heart beating furiously with that statement before she turns back to the First Master as she ignores the raging emotions. She would face them later in the confines of her apartment because there were more urgent matters to be handled while they were all in the guild and trying to organize a semblance of a plan. "Could you tell us what you know about who we're going to be fighting?" Lucy asked because she knows that knowing the enemy would at least give them a slight chance at a decent plan.

But with every name and every description, Lucy couldn't think of a plan. But she did feel the fear that came with the knowledge of just how powerful their foes would be. She could feel herself trembling, a slight sheen of sweat on her forehead and at the nape of her neck. She could feel her fists clenched as if it would calm the terror dwelling within her. And yet, with the words of the First Master ringing throughout the guild hall, Lucy swallows the fear as she plans on how to ready herself for the battle to come. Because she  _will_  fight and she will fight with  _everything_ she has and more.

* * *

* * *

_**So just give me** _

_**All of you** _

* * *

It took forever to escape the chaos that was occurring in the guild hall. Normally, Natsu would be calling it a party – a celebration. It could hardly be called that this time around. He may be an idiot, but he wasn't  _that_ much of an idiot. He knew that the drinks going around were more of liquid courage than for actual celebration. He knew that the brawls that kept on happening every hour was not the usual chaos that Fairy Tail produced, it was the product of tension that everyone wanted to ignore. It was a release for the mages of the guild that had built up nervous energy throughout the day until the late hours of the night. He knew that everything that went on in the guild that night after their initial war planning was done was a distraction. All the conversation, the laughter, the drinking, the singing, the dancing, the fights. All of it. And Natsu couldn't blame anyone for wanting that little illusion of peace and happiness and normality. He wished it didn't have to be that way, but they had little choice in the matter.

Walking down the streets of Magnolia with Happy gliding by his side, Natsu begun to think about the Lucy, specifically, their relationship – or lack thereof. He had spent every single night since Olympia at her side. Ever since he realized how big of a gaping wound Lucy still is, he spent every single night close to her, wrapping her up in his arms. It was all he could do because he had been so lost – and he still is. So lost on what to do, on how to even begin to help Lucy to heal. He didn't know how because he was one of the people that caused her so much pain. That instead of helping her heal a year ago, all he did was dig a deeper wound. And the guild disbandment had caused that wound to fester and rot that even now, she was still recovering and healing.

Natsu scratched the back of his head as they walked, glancing at the street that could take him to Lucy's home but ignoring it with all his willpower. Tonight would be the first in days that he would not spend the night with Lucy since he was already going home with Happy. The past few days he had always left the blue exceed in the presence of the team, but tonight, he couldn't just up and leave Happy alone in their cottage. And he couldn't bring Happy with him to Lucy's either. Not until they patch things up a little better. The fire dragonslayer sighed.

"Natsu?" the salmon-haired mage turned his head to his companion but didn't find him there. Instead, Happy had stopped at the intersection a few feet back. Happy had stopped at the corner that would lead straight to Lucy's house. "Yeah bud?"

"Aren't you going to stay with Lucy tonight?" Natsu should've known that he couldn't keep a thing from his adopted son. "Nah, Happy, let's go home for tonight," he forced a grin but the blue exceed only gave a small and sad smile. "I'm gonna go stay with Wendy and Carla until Lucy's all better. And when she gets better, maybe we can all go fishing again?" the blue exceed said, a tinge of hope filling his voice before he flew over to Natsu and wrapped his arms around his neck in a fierce hug. Happy missed Lucy and he could only hope that she becomes happy again soon because he could feel how sad the blonde still was. "Thanks bud," Natsu whispered. The exceed pulled back and nodded before flying off to the direction of Fairy Hills, leaving Natsu to head to Lucy's apartment.

* * *

Sneaking into Lucy's house was child's play as Natsu had done it enough times that whether the locks were on or off didn't really matter anymore. Tonight, the window was unlocked and allowed him to get into the apartment quicker and more silently. With the bed right beside the window, Lucy's sleeping figure bathed in the moonlight was the first thing Natsu saw when he entered the apartment. His breath caught at the beauty right before him and a sharp pain in his chest erupted to remind him that the woman he loved did not at all feel the same about him as he did for her.

Quietly, Natsu removed his sandals and placed them at the foot of the bed before situating himself beside Lucy, barely remembering to close the window and locking it. He laid himself down beside the Celestial Mage and wrapped his arms around her, breathing in her scent and just relaxing in her presence. He knew she had nightmares sometimes, he heard it when they were on the ship heading to Caracol Island. Her screams just before she would wake. She also had them when he stayed with her, but it never escalated to screams, just tiny whimpers and tears that would wake him in the middle of the night. But she never woke until he had left. He hoped that it was his presence diminishing the horrors in her dreams.

"Why?"

The whisper was so soft that Natsu would not have heard it had he not have had his enhanced senses. Nevertheless, it had took him by surprise that he flinched and would have pulled away had he not felt Lucy's hand on his arm, keeping him there. He remained silent for he did not know what to do. Not once had Lucy been awake when he stayed with her, or perhaps he had never noticed, just like now. He didn't notice at all that Lucy was awake. Likely why the window was left unlocked. Perhaps, she had been waiting for him.

"You come every night and you leave every morning. I just don't understand why Natsu. Why are you doing this?" the whispers were loud in the silence of the room. She was so rigid in his arms, so tense,  _so afraid_  that Natsu didn't know if it would be better if he pulled away. She had known that he encased her in his arms every night and that he left her every morning and she was finally confronting him about it. The dragonslayer didn't know where to start. So, he embraced her just a little tighter, just in case this would be the last he would ever get to hold her.

"I didn't know… I didn't know that me and Happy leaving would hurt you so much. I mean, we knew you'd be sad, but we always thought that you'd recover. That you'd be okay and happy and move on with the guild. We never expected the guild to disband when it did," Natsu knew he was babbling at this point. Making excuses when he had none. "It hurt to leave you Luce, but I needed to get stronger, so much stronger and I needed to go to dangerous places to do that. We wanted to take you with us, but the guild would have been safer for you. I know how strong you are Luce, but I'm not as strong as you." It was at this point that the blonde mage turned and faced him.

Natsu wanted to get himself lost in her chocolate orbs that shone brightly when she smiled. But he couldn't get distracted, not with the confusion and the tears present in her eyes. "I couldn't lose you another time Luce. I… I knew that if we took you with us, I wouldn't be able to focus on training because then, all I'd be thinking about is how to keep you safe. When we left, you were always, always in my mind but since I knew you were with the guild, I could rest easy and just focus on getting stronger. I was an idiot." He could feel her pain so clearly that it hurt, he could see how betrayed she had felt when he had left. How he and the guild had shattered her trust so thoroughly that it was hard for her to pick up the broken pieces of what they left behind.

"I will probably always be an idiot. But this idiot really loves you and I wouldn't lie to you about that and I will tell you that every chance I get. Every night I sneak in because I am hoping I could be part of your strength even just for a while and every morning I leave because I've been so afraid that you don't need the strength that I can give you," he closed his eyes as he tried to calm himself. He did not need to breakdown. He was supposed to be the pillar of strength. Natsu opened his eyes once more to see Lucy watching him intently. "I've really missed you. And I love you. And I just… I just want you to give me a chance Luce," he smiles sadly as he pulls his arms away slowly. He sits up, thinking that perhaps, he should not stay the night.

"I broke Aquarius' key."

Natsu turned his head so fast that he could have had a whiplash. The statement was so out of the blue and yet so chilling that the hairs on his arms stood at the implications of what Lucy had said. He looked at her trembling figure and didn't know what to do with the sudden revelation. Her voice was resonating in his head " _I lost everything"_  she had told him that night in Olympia. He had thought he meant the team, the guild, but not this. Her key. Aquarius. Lucy loved her spirits – they were her family. Especially Aquarius – the key she had inherited from Layla Heartfilia – and her mother figure ever since Layla's death.

"You were all  _gone_. And there was  _nobody else_. And I knew I had to do  _something_  but I couldn't do anything because I wasn't  _enough_. So, she told me to break her key and  _I had no choice_." Her voice was shaking and he knew that tears were flowing from her eyes. And he just sat there dumbfounded by what she was telling him. She had  _sacrificed_  Aquarius for the guild. He had left her a note telling her to  _take care of the guild_. The guild that disbanded the next day. "I wanted to tell you – or anyone really. But with Igneel and Grandeeney and Metallicana and Gray's dad and  _everything_ , I couldn't tell anyone and – ".

Natsu didn't let her finish anymore as he laid down and pulled her into his arms and just let her cry. Mumbling incoherent things that he could barely understand. She was telling him about the guild disbandment. She was telling him how broken she was, that she was sorry she didn't trust the guild as she once did. That she didn't trust him the way she used to. And he whispered that it was okay. Because he understood. She didn't trust them, but she was trying. She was trying to get back on her own two feet.

When her tears have finally slowed and the trembles have ceased, Natsu pulled away a little and wiped away the remnants of tears left on her face. "When this war is over, I'm going to do everything I can to help you with Aquarius. Whether it's finding some way to fix her key or getting you to see her again. I'm gonna be right there with you, Luce. You're gonna be alright," he whispered to her as he leaned in and planted a kiss on her forehead before just leaning his forehead against hers so he could look into her eyes. A small smile graced both their features. They both knew it would be a long time before she would be fully alright. That it would be a long time before she could trust him fully again. But they both knew that she had already started to move forward, and that was enough for now. Comfortable silence permeated the room as exhaustion weighed down on the two mages leaning into each other. They stayed like that until their eyes closed and one of them succumbed to slumber.

* * *

It would be long minutes later when a pair of eyes containing brown orbs would open. " _Where's the crime in lovin' someone else?"_ Gajeel had said earlier. The blonde mage would take a leap of faith and risk all that was left of her. Slowly, she closed the distance between her and the sleeping dragonslayer until her lips would touch his slightly. Softly. Gently. And she would pull away. "I love you too, silly dragon. I always have," she whispered to the silence of the night before she too would succumb to exhaustion.

* * *

* * *

_**It feels impossible** _

_**It's not impossible** _

* * *

The attack came out of nowhere. Right when they had least expected it. Thank Mavis that they already evacuated the town otherwise there would have been a wide-scale panic. Injuries everywhere, and casualties. But that did not change the fact that the enemy had gotten to them earlier than they had expected and thus it left them unprepared in the dead of the night. It left everyone scrambling to prepare for the battle that was starting way too quickly, way too early.

Natsu himself did not  _hear_  or  _smell_  them coming and his senses had been so fine-tuned that he should've been able to sense them ages ago. But he didn't, not until it was too late and the forces were already just outside of Magnolia. He quickly stood from where he was situated in Lucy's bedroom, quickly putting on the clothes that he had discarded during the game that he and Happy were playing.

_"All guild members! Prepare for battle!"_

They had bare  _minutes_  to prepare. And yet, he found the time to sought comfort and assurance from the blonde mage who was also hastily preparing for battle while listening to the communications that Warren was sending through.

_"We're under attack! Approximately 50 heavy cruiser-class warships in the western sky!"_

The ringing of the bell that signalled the oncoming attack was so loud in Natsu's ears. But not as loud as his heartbeat as it was. If it was coming from the sky then he and Happy  _had to go_. He turned on Lucy, looked at her frantically trying to calm down enough to prepare and he quickly wrapped her in his arms. He was glad she didn't flinch. He hugged her for a few more seconds – seconds that he should've been using to confront the enemy, but he couldn't, not without seeking some form of assurance from her. He pulled away and looked her in the eyes as he leaned his forehead against hers, her brown orbs looking into his onyx ones in worry.

"Stay safe. I'll find you as soon as I can," he smiled, and she did too, before giving the slightest of nods. "Come back safe," she whispered softly. He pulled away from her, but not before giving her a kiss on the forehead, neither of them caring in the least that Happy was watching the whole exchange.

 _"Dragon Flight Force and Osprey Force! Commence attack! I repear, Dragon Flight Force and Osprey Force, commence attack!"_ came the command from Warren, no doubt a strategy from the First. Happy gave Lucy a brief hug as Natsu jumped out of the window with no hesitation. It was seconds later before the exceed caught up to the dragonslayer, carrying him and going full speed towards the Alvarez ships above. It was time for them to fight back.

* * *

The fighting had been going on for  _hours_. It had started in the dead of the night and by the time that all of the forces that had reached Magnolia had been defeated, the sun had already risen to start a new day. Another day of fighting from what Natsu understood. He understood it simply because of how the guild could have been destroyed. The enemy forces were at a distance where they can aim at the guild – aim at Magnolia as a whole – and destroy them. And they would have been, if it were not for Ichiya and the Christina. Sheer dumb luck.

They had to do something.  _He_  had to do something.

And so, when everyone was assembling back to the guild to regroup, Natsu decided otherwise. "Happy, let's go fight Zeref," he said as they flew behind Gajeel, Lily, Wendy and Carla. He said it so quietly that Happy barely heard him. He looked up and saw the blue exceed contemplating about it, thinking for a moment if that was what they should do. "Aye aye Sir," he whispered back after long moments just before veering towards the Western borders and flying at full speed towards where they knew Zeref would be.

It was a risk, and they both knew it. With the power of Igneel, they had a shot to defeat Zeref. They had a shot at this war. And that was what's important – to end the war before too many lives were lost – and the fastest way to do it was to do defeat Zeref. Even if he had to do it alone.

"There sure a lot of them! It's like a big, black carpet!" Happy said, the slight chipper in his tone did not at all hide how his paws were shaking as he held Natsu and flew them both towards a million of the Alvarez Empire's soldiers.

If Natsu thought that the fighting throughout the night was long, then this one would take an eternity. For all his confidence, the fire dragonslayer knew that even he could not take a million soldiers capable of magic alone and win. He would sure give his damn best to make a dent in their numbers though, but that's all he would likely be capable of. A dent.

And he was right, because only 973 soldiers – out of the initial million – later, he was already bruised and wounded. Not heavily, but it was having an effect because he can feel the soreness and exhaustion creeping in even with all his bravado. And even with all the courage and power he summoned for this fight, he could feel the slight tremble at the power that Zeref contained.

"Happy, stay back. Away from here," he said as he took of the bandages that kept Igneel's mark hidden. He would be giving it his all. For Happy and himself. For the First Master. For the guild. _For Lucy_. Heat and fire flowed through him in a burning inferno and with barely any words, he attacked.

He attacked for all he was worth. Because everything depended on this, everyone on the continent was depending on this fight. To end this war. He could not hesitate – not even for a second – and he absolutely could not lose. And so Natsu gave it his all and more.

"Fire Dragon King Mode!"

He burned and burned and burned – brighter and hotter than any time he had ever done it.

 _But it wasn't enough_. He could feel himself trembling, on the verge of collapse as exhaustion was clutching him tightly. He could feel the remnants of Igneel's magic nearly drained until nothing but cinders would be left. And yet the Dark Wizard stood alive in front of him. Heavily wounded it seemed, but alive. "Just one… Just one more shot will do it…" he said as he glared fiercely at opponent in front of him.

The man was mumbling. Incoherent babble that Natsu could hear but could not understand. It wasn't anything that the First already didn't tell them – what he couldn't understand was why this man was also explaining it to him. What was so important that this man needed to tell him specifically?

" _My name is Zeref Dragneel. I am your brother."_

Natsu froze. His breathing that he was trying to even out merely stopped. Stopped at the revelation that this man was spouting. No. It couldn't be true. Zeref was only trying to unbalance him. To distract him. Yes, nothing that this man was saying could be true. Because he was Natsu Dragneel, a wizard of Fairy Tail.

" _Etherious Natsu Dragneel. E.N.D."_

He couldn't be a demon. E.N.D was supposed to be an all-powerful demon that Igneel couldn't defeat. He was just … him. Natsu the fire dragonslayer who couldn't even slay a dragon. Igneel could have killed him easily if he was capable of world destruction. Right?

"E.N.D. was the demon that made Tartaros!  **It ain't me!** I ain't any kind of demon!  **I am human!** " he yelled as his fist clenched tightly that he was sure he would be drawing blood. He refused to believe that  _anything_  that Zeref was saying made any sense. Because it didn't!  _It didn't!_

Because that would mean that what happened to the guild was his fault. That he was the one Gray wanted to kill. That what happened to Lucy was his fault. He  _refused_  to believe that. That book was not him. He was not a demon. He was human.

"I keep telling you, I am  **not**  E.N.D.!" And then he felt it. A pain so sharp that he felt like he had been stabbed. Just like that book.  _"No! It was a fluke! A fluke!"_ he thought to himself vehemently. He was not some demon. He was not that book. And yet…

Everything was making sense. A small tingle of memory at the back of his mind that he could barely reach. That he didn't  _want_  to reach because it was making sense how they could suddenly not find their dragons on that day. And Layla – Lucy's mother – was caught up in it, and gods he did not even want to think how involved she was because he  _knew_ , he  _remembered_ , that Layla died that year that they lost their dragons – that year that they appeared. She died not long after that day of July X777 and was connected to this whole damn plot of hell that Zeref had concocted.

It was making sense. But Natsu did not want to  _believe_ it because of everything that it represented. Everything that it  _meant_.

"Shut up! You expect me to believe that load of crap?!" he screamed as he ran towards the black mage. To deliver the final blow. Because he had heard enough. Because he knew that the more he heard, the more he would understand, the more he would believe. And he didn't want to. Not for one second.

"You are a demon of the Book of Zeref."  _"I don't want to hear anymore,"_ Natsu thought as flames ignited brightly on his hand, the opponent in front of him not even making an attempt at defense. He could do this. He could kill Zeref.

" _If you kill me… you'll die too._ "

" **So, what if I do?!"** he wasn't going to stop. He wasn't going to hesitate for one second. For the guild. For Lucy. If his death was the price for bringing the bastard down and ending this war, then he would apologize to Lucy if he would ever meet her in the afterlife.

Natsu unleased everything he had left.

And missed.

" _I won't let you do it, Natsu. I don't want you to die!"_ Happy's tears and words resonated in him so fiercely because he didn't  _want_ to die. He wanted to  _live_. But he is  _prepared_ to die if that was what it took to protect the guild. To protect Lucy. To protect  _Happy._

And yet the blue exceed was getting himself hurt to protect him. To prevent his death when it could very well mean that everyone else's lives were in more danger. When it could very well mean that everyone else could die. Because that was the price for stopping Natsu from delivering that blow.

"I'm taking you back alive… Back home to Fairy Tail," the exceed sobbed as they flew at full speed even though he knew that Happy was pushing himself with the magic he had left. And there wasn't much. He could only stay silent through the sobs of his companion for he could not even say anything to comfort. To reassure.

"Lucy told us to come back safe," he whispered and got Natsu to snap out of his little daze, if only for a bit. It got him to stop thinking for one second that it would have been better for everyone if Happy didn't stop him. No, it would have been the easy way out. But that didn't mean that it was the better option. Especially not when he decided that he wanted to keep on living because he had lots to make up for when it concerns Lucy. And you don't just leave the person you love when the going gets tough. "You're right Happy. Let's rest for a little bit so you can cool down your paws," he said a little guiltily before the exceed landed by a lake near Magnolia.

He watched as Happy washed his injured paws until he could look no more and found his mind wandering to the battle that had just occurred between him and Zeref. And the revelations that occurred then. That he was  _a demon_  and he would die when Zeref was killed.

He watched as the blue exceed ran to him, clutching him tightly as if that would anchor him to the world of the living when Zeref was finally killed. "There's gotta be some other way, Natsu! I won't let you die!" the exceed cried once more. Natsu couldn't bring himself to say that he could not think of another way. That he wanted to live but how when he wasn't even human – when he wasn't really  _alive_. Just a dead boy brought back to life as a demon.

"I know," was all he could whisper. Because he knew Happy wouldn't let him die. But he probably still would.

"That's a promise!"

He remembered Lucy. Lucy whom he promised just a few nights ago that he'd be there for her. Always. And yet, it seemed that even with all his love for the blonde mage, that even though he wanted to with all his heart, he would not live to fulfill that promise. He would fight tooth and nail to stay alive still – for Happy and for Lucy – but he already knew that it would take a miracle for him to survive this war.

And perhaps, what's painful is that even with all his training and power, he still wasn't enough. That for all his love for the guild, he had been a cause of pain and that he couldn't protect it as he wanted to. That for all that he knew about himself, most of it was a lie. And the truths were things that he didn't want to face. That Happy was now in pain because of him and what was likely inevitable. That the things he told Lucy, his promises to her were now turning into lies before he even got the chance to try.

What hurt the most was that he probably didn't even have a chance since the very beginning.

* * *

* * *

_**Is it impossible?** _

_**Say that it's possible** _

* * *

Lucy sat at the guild's infirmary, waiting for the green-haired mage to open her eyes. It had been hours since the initial ambush, and barely anything had occurred since those battles ended. People had been mainly trying to form battle plans, refine formations and preparing weapons around the guild. It was such a weird sight for Lucy, having never seen this in the time since she had joined Fairy Tail. Not a single drop of alcohol was in sight – even Cana, of all people, was sober – and no brawls or any form of playful violence could be seen. If there was any form of celebration, it was only with regards to the war, and even then, it was a rare sight.

They were going up against very powerful people. One of them being the unconscious woman in front of her. One that just so happened to know something about her mother. And so, Lucy was glad that she was tasked to guard the woman. She knew she wouldn't be of much use in the heavy fighting where some of the more combat-oriented members were sent to. "How long do you think before she wakes up?" Lucy asked, getting a bit antsy from the wait. "Not long," was the grouchy answer that came from behind her.

It took just about five more minutes before the woman shot out of bed in a near panic that was quickly hidden. She seemed shocked and unsure of the reasons of why she was in the infirmary – of why she'd been saved. Lucy couldn't blame her, she'd be the same way if their roles were reversed. Fairy Tail didn't want to kill after all – they just wanted to live.

"You want to know about Layla?" the green-haired mage suddenly asked, and Lucy's attention was all directed at her. Layla Heartfilia. Her mother that died when she was six and a Celestial Spirit Mage just like she was. She didn't recognize this woman, but this powerful mage knew her mother – even harbored more than negative feelings, if the killing intent from the instance in her apartment was any indication. Soon enough, with much assurance towards Cana and Porlyusica, she was left alone with the prisoner.

"My name is Brandish. My mother's name was Grammi. She was one of the servants of your mother, Layla," the woman – Brandish – told Lucy and the blonde just sat there shocked, trying to put a face to the name. She had been so young when her mother had died and there were so many employees in the Heartfilia mansion. She did not know all of them, not even her mother's old servants.

Lucy had not known that there had been a point that Layla had given away her keys. Not until Tenrou wherein she found that Capricorn had been given to Zoldio. She had not known that Spetto-san once had Cancer. And she had not known that Aquarius' key was once entrusted to Brandish's mother – Grammi. Lucy's fists tightened at the mere mention of Aquarius and her key – her key that was now broken. She had always thought her mother had held on to Aquarius' and Cancer's keys until she had given them to her before she had died.

She listened fervently to the woman's tale – not at all liking where it was heading. She could feel her body tensing, sweat forming on her skin at what this woman was subtly implying. Thoughts that Lucy did not even want to entertain. "Layla came to steal the key back, and she murdered my mother to get it!"

She was sure that she had stopped breathing for one second. "That can't be possible…" she voiced, even argued. Her mother was no murderer. She wanted to continue arguing, but she quickly found herself on the floor. Brandish had her in a hold that disabled her effectively with her hands behind her and her legs trapped by Brandish's own. The hand on her face was tight, cutting off her airways and Lucy found it hard to breathe, much less talk. Can't even defend herself – and once again faced with her utter weakness.

She was couldn't breathe. She couldn't escape. She was so defenseless. So weak that an enemy incapable of using her magic would be capable of killing her. Lucy tried everything she could think of, even as she was getting more and more lightheaded, but none was proving effective.

Until water suddenly knocked Brandish away. And Lucy found herself in the arms of Aquarius.

She sat there frozen, forgetting everything that happened in the last minutes as only one thought flooded her mind – that Aquarius was here. And she couldn't stop the tears that formed in her eyes as the mermaid held her close in her strong arms, whilst she sported that fierce glare and confident smirk that Lucy had always associated with  _her_. "Aquarius…."

"It's been a while, Lucy" and that did Lucy in. Tears flooded and her figure trembled until she couldn't hold in the sobs and tackled the mermaid into the fiercest hug she could muster. To assure herself that Aquarius really was here. She didn't care at all that she was sobbing in front of the enemy. Because Aquarius was  _here,_  and it made Lucy feel something flare inside of her that she hadn't known in a long while.

 _Hope_.

She didn't know how long she cried. How long she was held in the arms of the one she had come to recognize as a mother figure ever since the death of Layla Heartfilia. But she was just so unbelievably happy – an emotion that she hadn't realized she had not felt since Tartaros. "You came back to me, Aquarius!" she said through tear-filled sobs.

"No, I can't stay." And even though that had drawn disappointment in Lucy, one so palpable that it could nearly be touched, it had withdrawn at the mention that a new key was born. Somewhere in Earthland. Somewhere that she could possibly find.

 _Hope_.

* * *

The memories that Aquarius had shown were disconcerting. She had not known that her family was connected to the Eclipse gate – that they were meant to watch over it and open it. Had not known that the responsibility of opening the gate fell on her mother. Had not known that the reason her mother had died so quickly – so early – was because she sacrificed her own life.

Seeing it with her own eyes as an adult did not make the pain in any less. If anything, Lucy felt more out of sorts. More disconnected by what she was learning about her mother. About Brandish's mother. Lucy wanted to be angry at Grammi – wanted to blame her for the early demise of Layla. But she couldn't. Not with the despair on Grammi's face as she sat by Layla's deathbed. Not with Layla's revelation that she did it for Lucy. Especially not when she had seen Grammi's fate.

Lucy  _couldn't_  hate her. Not with how she also blamed herself for Layla's passing until her last breath. Not with how she accepted her fate. Not with Brandish screaming and sobbing at the top of her lungs for it to  _stop_  even though it  _wouldn't_. Because it already happened and what they were seeing was a memory. Lucy could not bring herself to hate such a kind woman. And even though she knew she should have been wary, Lucy encased Brandish's sobbing form in her arms.

"Can't you and I be friends…? Like our mothers were?" Because this war was bringing nothing but enemies and pain and loss. Because Lucy was  _tired_  of anger and hate and fighting. She didn't want any more of it, not when it brought this much pain. This many tears. Tears that flowed freely from both Lucy and Brandish for the fate of their mothers and Lucy hoped to all the gods listening that Grammi and Layla found each other again.

"H-HEEEELP…!"

Lucy pulled away from Brandish at Happy's desperate cry. She was just about to run towards the exceed but she froze in place as soon as she saw just  _why_  Happy was so devastated. "Natsu isn't moving! I don't know what's wrong! He needs help real bad!" the exceed said quickly, panic very clear in his voice. Panic that was slowly creeping into Lucy as well as she was frozen by the sight of Natsu, bloodied and beaten. Unmoving.

It took forever for her to snap out of it. Snap out of the trance, and even then she knew that she was panicking, that she was barely holding it together. "Natsu! What's wrong?!" she tried shaking him, patting him. She didn't even know where to touch. He was wounded and bloodied and bruised  _everywhere_. And then she noticed.

There was no movement on his chest where there  _should be_.

 _He wasn't breathing. Natsu wasn't fucking breathing_ _._

Lucy quickly leaned down and placed her ear right above his chest, where his heart should be.  _Where she should_ _ **hear**_ _a heartbeat._ But there was  **none**. "I don't hear a heartbeat…."

Utter and undeniable fear gripped her heart as she was frozen. Everything around her just flooded in silence as she tried to deny what was happening in front of her. And even with Porlyusica pushing her out of the way, trying to heal him, trying to do  _something_ but incapable of  _anything_ , Lucy could feel the terror and despair overwhelming her bit by bit.

" _I love you Lucy."_

" _I won't give up Luce. Not until you give me a chance."_

" _I know better than anyone just how strong you are."_

He was disappearing in front of her. And she couldn't do a damn thing. She was so helpless. So weak. So useless.

"This can't be happening… Natsu… Say something… Anything…"

" _I'm gonna be right there with you, Luce."_

" _I will probably always be an idiot. But this idiot really loves you."_

"I love you too, you idiot and I'm giving you one chance so please… Don't die…"

* * *

Luck.

Sheer dumb luck was the sole reason that Natsu was alive and breathing in a hospital bed right at this very moment. It was luck that Brandish recognized Lucy at Caracol Island. Luck that Brandish was allergic to pollen. Luck that Happy had come in after the truth between Grammi and Layla was revealed to Brandish. Luck that Brandish had offered to help Natsu.

Lucky Lucy Heartfilia. It was sad that luck was all she had, but she would take what she can get as long as Natsu was alive.

Those were the thoughts running through her head as she thanked Brandish even if the woman was purposely ignoring her within the cell, and if not that, then harshly reminding her that they were still in a war.

A war that Lucy was no longer sure of her role in, seeing as she was perfectly incapable of anything ever since the fighting had begun. "She needs more time," came the sudden voice and a hand on her shoulder, courtesy of Aquarius.

After saying her goodbyes to Brandish, Aquarius led Lucy back to the direction of the infirmary but not before heading to the balcony to watch the setting sun. She had not noticed that almost 24 hours had passed since the fighting has begun. A lot had happened after all and Lucy couldn't even begin on how to sort things out.

Aquarius broke the silence first. "Come to think of it, there was something I wanted to tell you." And Lucy listened. Listened as Aquarius spoke of her reborn key. Her key that was somewhere in this world. Her key that Lucy would cross the seas, climb mountains and soar the heavens to find after this war was over. And Lucy realized, that perhaps, saving her from Brandish wasn't the only reason that Aquarius showed up.

"Still, I'm gonna find you! After all, you're one of my best friends!" Determination and hope filled her voice, one that she had not heard in a long time and it struck her then just how much it meant to her to see Aquarius again. To know that her key – whole and unbroken – was somewhere in this world – waiting to be found. And as she looked at Aquarius' shimmering form slowly vanishing in the light of the setting sun – "Thank you. I look forward to that day," the mermaid had whispered – Lucy silently thanked her for the gift she had given. For the things that returned.

 _Hope._  And  _purpose_. A reason for her to never give up. To see this war through to the very end.

 _Hope and a purpose to live_  was Aquarius' gift.

" _When this war is over, I'm going to do everything I can to help you with Aquarius. Whether it's finding some way to fix her key or getting you to see her again. I'm gonna be right there with you, Luce."_


End file.
